


I Thought I Couldn't Love Anymore

by Mama_Milk



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, F/M, M/M, Other, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29998617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mama_Milk/pseuds/Mama_Milk
Summary: Wilbur's ability to love is starting to come back in the most heartbreaking ways. Only thing truly stopping him from being happy is himself, but is he truly willing to accept that he might just actually care about you?
Relationships: Wilbur Soot/Reader, Wilbur Soot/You
Kudos: 26





	I Thought I Couldn't Love Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Hello-!
> 
> This is my first MCYT oneshot so please by all means, let me know what you think!  
> This was allot of fun to write and I do plan to write more in the future.
> 
> Sorry it's so short by the way-

Vodka and Geoguesser was becoming too much of a habit nowadays. It was rather fun when he did it in front of chat, loving their reactions to him being a total idiot. Tonight was one of those nights, downing Smirnoff and being oh so wrong when it came to geography. However, he found himself far too distracted now. He had been going on for about an hour but now, the screen was instead on some random musician’s stream while Wilbur tried to play along with his cat keyboard. For the most part he was just being goofy but in all honesty, he was truly just trying to keep his mind occupied. He saw your name mentioned in chat, he knew now that you were online and it was starting to be suggested that you guys do something together.

It was rather obvious to anyone that knew Wilbur that he had a real habit of talking down the whole premise of love. Everything from his jokes to his music painted the picture of a broken hearted romantic who was far too desperate to stay broken. He was content in his nihilistic void, walls and iron doors keeping him in so nothing would ever truly hurt him without his permission and he sure as shit never wanted ‘love’ to slip through.

So, what happens when someone like that starts to fall?

You came into his life a few months ago now, a small streamer that had been introduced to the circle of Minecraft streamers that Wil was in. You started to play every once and awhile when Tommy found some stupid mod to make a video out of, somehow already unlocking a door in Wilbur’s mind. Your laughter was infectious whenever you all filmed together. That laugh made the smile on his lips linger a little too long, watching Tommy's videos back and seeing your actual webcam reactions was dangerous as well. Your smile had started to tie his nerves into knots and god, the way your eyes seemed to brighten when he talked infested his insides with butterflies.

He wanted nothing more than to chalk it all up into being some sort of parasite, something that no business being in his body. Years of avoiding any strand of love gone to waste all because of you. You infected him and now he had no idea how to cure himself.

A sigh finally left his lips, fingers hovering over the keys of the cat board that grinned at him. The vodka wasn’t helping, Geoguesser wasn’t helping and this damn cat that was mocking his hidden grief sure as shit wasn’t helping either. He finally put the keyboard down, turning back to his stream.

“Alright I think, we’re going to call it a night” he said, trying his best to sound light hearted. His outro was quick but made sure that it didn’t seem rushed, the last thing he needed was people worrying about him. Once he was sure things were properly turned off he let out a long sigh, leaning back in his chair and staring numbly at the screen. Why the hell do you always manage to sneak into his brain like this? Especially with him being so damn drunk, it was practically begging for him to do something stupid.

His poor bottom lip was nervously being chewed on as he found his brain wandering again to your name. Wilbur didn’t want to go home just to sleep… Granted it was late and he was still smashed but he knew damn well he wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly without at the very least seeing what you were up to. He sat up, scooting up to his desk again and within seconds he had your stream up. You seemed to have started a game of Jackbox with a couple of the guys. He could make out Phil’s laughter along and he thought he heard Schlatt and Quackity but he wasn’t too sure. Whoever they were, they had you laughing and showing that all too familiar smile.

It felt like a God he didn’t believe in was purposely turning all the love sick words he wrote in songs around, plunging them deep into the unthawed heart in his chest. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to make you smile like that, he wanted to be the one who got to hear you in calls that weren’t just for business but he knew it was an awful idea. After all, Wilbur was a problem, at least in his own mind.

He went this long shooting down anyone who seriously had feelings for him. He wouldn’t accept when things were working right those rare occasions when he thought he found love, ruining it in one way or another. As much as Wilbur was falling for you, he couldn’t see past the countless times he fucked up. He knew that there was a chance that he would ruin it again, leaving you crying like he had done so many times before to others. The idea of you crying because of him was enough to cover the idea of a happy future with you. It was enough to make his breath shaky and for his eyes to become glossy with tears of frustration.

Why was it so hard for him to just be happy?

Why did he always have to ruin any sort of positivity that he could look forward to?

Even if it wasn’t true that things were hopeless his mind would swoop right in with intrusive thoughts, instantly breaking him down with insults and far too many ‘what if’ scenarios. He knew deep down he wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. He knew deep down that he deserved love and that he could make you happy and just maybe, you could be good for him. The only thing blocking him was the walls he had put up and doors that he had lost the keys to ages ago.

But if you could unlock doors before, maybe the keys were in your possession. And maybe, just maybe, soon enough you’d unlock the rest of those for him and save him from the isolation he had sentenced himself to.


End file.
